He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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