dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
