And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
