I'm really into asian looking animals
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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