Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
