Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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