last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
