There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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