If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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