I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would fuck him just for his dog
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
