I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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