dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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