turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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