Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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