Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We left the knife in your bed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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