I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
