is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
