just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
