Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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