I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
