i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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