Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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