brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
