cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
