Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
