It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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