Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
