I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
