I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
