I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize