Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
