My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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