I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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