3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
