they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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