I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she looked like the before picture.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
