OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
