She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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