If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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