Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize