Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
