I just saw a hot homeless man
They should really pass out barf bags in church
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
