You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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