so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
