I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
