smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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