I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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