she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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