Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
