i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
