I want to have your abortion
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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