dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize