My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
