Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
