i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
