Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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