i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
