It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
