Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
