Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
