you turned your livingroom into a bong?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
