you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
