he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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