I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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