Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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