She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
