i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
